Ask a Thot: How To Shoot Your Shot Via Instagram DMs

While I have not yet created a submission box for my advice column, I am blessed to receive text messages and DMs on the daily from friends (or randos) asking me for help with their sex and love lives. When a friend of mine texted me for advice on how to slide in a girl’s DMs, I couldn’t resist posting it on here because I figured lots of dudes (and chicks, too, perhaps) could find it useful. So, here you go — thank me later.

First, here’s the actual text exchange if you prefer to read it this way, but I’ve written it out below and will be expanding on the advice I gave (and explaining why it’s the best advice).

The Problem:

Hey! I have a SUPER random question for you, but it’s a topic I felt like you’d get more than anyone else I know, haha. It’s about shooting your shot via Instagram DMs. This girl I follow (not sure why I follow her) is a blogger, but more importantly seems kind of cool (I think) and pretty cute. She likes my pics from time to time, doesn’t have 8 million followers, etc. So, question is, how can I slide in her DMs without seeming like a creep. Also, that last point about liking my pics is now making me cringe a bit.

My Advice:

I think the way to do it, based of off what’s worked with me, is to play the long game. Instead of coming into her DMs with a pointed message asking her out, randomly DM her in response to her stories and go from there. I think it will eventually turn into a longer convo (and if it doesn’t — probably safe to say she’s not interested) which will give you the “in” to ask her out naturally.

How do I know this works? Because it’s worked on me.

Basically, one of my “mutuals” (that’s a term for someone you follow who also follows you back, in case you didn’t know), would randomly DM me stuff in response to my stories, such as, “Oh, you’re in Denver you should go to this place,” or “dope shoes,” or even “🔥” maybe sometimes.

I’m not sure how he started following me, but I thought he was cute and looked cool (plus saw that he worked in the same industry as me), so I followed back. This is also key. If she doesn’t follow you back, she might not even see your DMs because they might be relegated to the graveyard of DM requests. Your well-intentioned message will get lost among all the “nice bobs” and dick pics. And you probably don’t want to keep DMing her if she doesn’t respond to your first one (or two at most), because then you’ll just look like a creep (and tbh, you might be).

Also, if a “blogger” or girl who clearly cares about her follower/following ratio and Instagram presence (which is honestly almost every girl these days), follows you, that is a very good sign, because she likely doesn’t follow just anyone.

That being said, her “liking” your photos from time to time probably doesn’t mean anything unless she’s liking your pics from three months ago (and therefore is Insta-stalking you and doesn’t care if you know it— a great sign for you). People who are trying to build their Instagram following literally just double-tap every photo that comes up on their feed. Many of them take the time to “like back” many of the people who like their photos as well. So don’t take her “likes” personally, sorry.

Anyway, back to the guy who used this technique on me. I never thought of him as creepy (he probably didn’t lead with the fire emoji), or even thought about him being into me. Eventually we started having a longer convo one night and he said something like, “in case you weren’t aware, if you lived in NYC I’d date the shit out of you.” I don’t know if it was the fact that I was home alone and lonely on a Friday night or that the combination of the words “date” and “shit” were so endearing, but I liked that he said that, so I told him I was actually going to NYC in a few weeks and we proceeded to plan a date.

By playing the “long game,” it separates you from all the other dudes who are coming in her DMs immediately leading with some pick-up line (or worse, the lone “hey” or emoji) as if they were on Tinder. Building up the dialogue will also make you look like less of a predator and is almost the Instagram DM equivalent of being “friends first” before fucking.

If you’re really trying to win her heart (yes, I realize her heart is probably not the body part most on your mind), you should read one of her blog posts (or at least one of her long captions). DM her something about it to show that you read it and thought it was interesting!

But, if you didn’t think it was interesting whatsoever, don’t pretend — girls can smell bullshit a mile away.

And don’t be that dude who responds to her latest Instagram photo via DM when you could have just commented. That shit is fucking annoying.

Plan B:

Let’s say the girl never follows you back, and therefore never reads your first DM, and now you’re stuck wondering if you’re ever going to get another shot.

There are a few other ways to get her attention, but you run the risk of looking like a stalker (especially if you’re not hot, because that’s how the world works).

As a blogger/writer who gets a lot of work through social media contacts, I have my email address in my bio. Occasionally, guys have sent me emails asking if I want to grab dinner/coffee/etc., and sometimes it has worked.

Obviously, this is very precarious territory because if a girl has her email in her bio for work opportunities, she might be pissed if you use it as a way to try to hit on her. But, at least for girls like me, it’s an easier way to get her attention rather than via DMs — plus it gives you a chance to write more and somehow seems less creepy than a DM (although it depends on who you ask).

If you’re going to attempt this route, you need to write a legit email, don’t type like you’re still in the DMs. Open it with a greeting, sign off, use full sentences, etc. Take advantage of the medium and write at least a paragraph or two explaining why you think she’s cool/interesting/etc. Also, if you’re asking her out, come armed with a plan (eg: I noticed you’re a big fan of donuts and I’d love to take you to this awesome new donut shop downtown) rather than saying something vague about how you’d like to “hang out sometime.”

I hope these tips help! If you have other questions, feel free to comment or message me!

Is It Okay to Send a Nude That You Originally Took for Someone Else?

Every time I plug my iPhone into my laptop (which, let’s be real, is every day), my iPhoto library opens and one of the best nudes I’ve ever received is displayed front and center on my screen.

If you have a Mac, you know why this happens.

When you plug your phone into your Mac, iPhoto pops up and gives you the option to import your iPhone pics to your computer. To tempt you, iPhoto will display the photos from your iPhone in chronological order.

I have an iPhone 6 with over 10,000 photos on it, so I have a ton of old pics on my phone. And yet, that spectacular aforementioned nude that I received just a few months ago always manages to accompany my embarrassing drunk selfies from 2015.

I know what this means, but do you know what this means?

It means the nude wasn’t taken recently, and it also means that the nude wasn’t taken for me.

But do I care? Would YOU care? Would the cute 6’2” finance bro you just matched with on Bumble care? Let’s talk about it…

Is It Okay to Send a Nude to Someone That You Originally Took for Someone Else?

Personally speaking, in the aforementioned case, I didn’t care. Like I said, it was a great fucking photo and deserves a spot next to Michelangelo’s “David.” If I were him, I would’ve recycled the nude too.

Plus, he sent it to me before we had met in person, so who was I to be getting territorial about nudes at that point?

SIDE NOTE: In general, I don’t recommend sending nudes to women (or men) you haven’t met IRL yet. This was a special case because I legitimately texted him “show me your dick” (sort of as a joke, but also sort of not). Read more handy tips about this here.

Generally speaking, if some guy I had been seeing for a bit sent me a pic that was clearly old AF, I’d probably be a little meh about it. As my mother used to say, I wouldn’t be mad — just disappointed.

This is also because I almost never recycle nudes, save for some professional ones that are way too epic not to share (and since they’re professional, there’s no pretense that I’ve just taken them for said recipient).

I’m more of a “take nudes in the moment when I’m feeling myself/have great tan lines/just got new lingerie” kind of girl, so I figure the dude I’m talking to can at least do the same.

But after talking to some girls about this whole situation, they alerted me to a bit of a double standard that exists within the whole “send nudes” territory.

“A dude can pretty much take a nude anywhere and it’s a nude, but the art behind the female nude is so much more than that,” says Brogan. “If I had a good nude I might reuse [it].”

She went on to explain that she wouldn’t necessarily be offended upon receiving an old nude, but she’d think the guy was lazy, which is totally fair.

“I feel like it’d be hypocritical for me to say [receiving a recycled nude would offend me] because I send old nudes,” says Charlotte. “But it’s a whole process for girls.”

I can totally appreciate this, because guys tend to be way more down to send a poorly lit, unflattering photo of their hard dick to strangers (just look in any girl’s DMs for affirmation of this generalization.) Girls prefer to wait until they know a guy can be trusted. Once this is established, they make sure to send a photo so good that they wouldn’t mind him sending it to his boys in case he can’t be trusted.

Girls also have to deal with the fact that we’re up against unrealistic body (and face!) standards, and some of us might want to spend an hour applying body bronzer and contorting our body in the mirror until it looks relatively like something posted by our favorite Insta-thot on her private Snapchat channel.

And yes, I know boys have to deal with unrealistic body standards too — but it’s just not on the same level. Talk to me when there’s a female equivalent of the dad bod phenomenon.

I want to let you in on a little secret: you really shouldn’t get so wrapped up in mastering the “perfect” nude, because the majority of guys are going to be happy with whatever they get.

“It’s the thought that counts,” says David. “A person is bearing it all for you and showing it.”

And if you have a feeling he’s not going to be happy with whatever he receives from you? Or, God forbid, you fear he might zoom in on your stubble and laugh about it with his fraternity brothers? Then maybe you should save those sexy ass photos of yourself for someone who deserves them (and yes, this means you will be recycling nudes).

Or, here’s a life hack: just send them to your best girl friend who will know just what to say! Speaking from experience, this tactic has never steered me wrong.

Do Guys Care If You Send Them Recycled Nudes?

Most guys I spoke to shared my opinion about receiving new vs. gently-used nudes.

“Depends on the situation,” says Matt. “If it’s to masturbate to with no special relationship (sic), then no [I wouldn’t care if the nude was old].”

So utilitarian!

“I’d never be offended [if I received a nude that was originally taken for someone else], but I also would rather not know if I didn’t have to,” said Gerard.

Gerard’s thinking brings me to my next point: maybe just don’t save the nudes! This way, you’ll never have to know if they’re old or not. I honestly don’t know why I saved the aforementioned nude to my phone in the first place — I must have been feeling some type of way.

“With the amount of care that goes into the nudes some girls take, you gotta respect that they save good ones,” says Je. “Plus, you’re never allowed to be mad about a nude — they’re all good.”

In general, men were more accepting of old nudes than women, but some dudes acknowledged that, if given the option, fresh nudes are always preferable.

“[If I knew it was an old nude], it would definitely ruin the appeal for me,” says James. “It should be taken specifically for the recipient.”

This goes doubly if you’re actually in a relationship with someone or headed towards that territory. It’s kind of similar to how you wouldn’t want to wear the lingerie your ex bought you when hanging out with your new boo.

“If you’re just seeing someone casually, who cares,” says Ian. “But if it’s serious, you don’t want to recycle.”

Do Girls Care If You Send Recycled Nudes?

Let me just start with the fact that girls are less likely to want to receive nudes at all. So before worrying about whether your girl cares about you sending her a nude from two months ago, first consider whether she wants a naked picture of you at all.

Assuming the lady in your life does want a sensual selfie from you, there’s a pretty good chance she wants a photo that was taken specifically for her.

“If you’re sending me a nude, you better be thinking about me and not someone else,” says Jess. “That’s like re-gifting.”

Without getting too much into anatomy, I sort of see what Jess is saying. If you’re going to send me a picture of your hard dick, it’d be nice to know that your dick was hard because you were thinking of me. That’s what romance is all about, right?

But similar to the dudes, many ladies realized that it can be hard to capture the perfect shirtless selfie (or pants-less selfie) and they’re appreciative of whatever.

“I wouldn’t be mad about it. I do it because I look good in the pic and want to reuse it,” says Abby. “They probably do the same thing.”

If You’re Recycling Nudes and Want to Keep it on the DL…

Many of the people who I spoke to wondered how they would even figure out that the nude they received was originally meant for someone else. The truth is, they probably never would.

But if you’re a chronic nude-repeater (and no shame if you are), here are some tips to make sure the recipient doesn’t catch on…

1. Screenshot that shit

If you screenshot the photo and send that instead of the original photo, the recipient won’t be able to figure out the time stamp. This will prevent situations like the one I described at the beginning of this piece.

2. Check your hair/tattoos/whatever

If you’re the type of person who’s constantly changing their hair, getting new tattoos, or whatever—always double check that whatever you’re rocking in the photo is similar to what you’ve got going on right now.

Also, not to sound like a dick, but you might also want to evaluate if your body looks the same as it does in that six-month-old photo you’re about to send. Sure, maybe you think your body looked better back then as opposed to now, but why set yourself up for disappointment if/when you get naked for that person IRL?

While it’s not exactly catfishing, it’s certainly veering down that path. If you don’t think your partner would be happy with a photo of what you look like right now, they don’t deserve a photo from you (and you probably shouldn’t hook up with them either).

3. Double-check what you’ve already sent

How awkward would it be if you sent your latest fling the same nude you sent him last week? Yikes. Go into your iMessage photos and check which photos you already sent to be sure you’re not repeating any.

Also, this shouldn’t need to be said, but definitely don’t send a new person any old nudes taken by your ex—especially if you can spot his hairy feet in the background. I’m only warning you because someone I spoke to claimed this happened to them…

Overall, as in all other situations, you do you. 99% of the time the person you’re texting will not notice when these nudes were taken. Even if they did, they should be appreciative that they’re getting nudes in the first place.

“A nude is a nude,” says Andrea. “Appreciate what you get.”

Just The Tip(s): Don’t Bring Up Your Dick In Convo Until After a Girl Has Sucked It

Okay, I’m going to be honest with you and say that I had planned on launching this blog before the end of Leo season (since my first post was about Leo men), but it’s the first day of Virgo season and I only have two posts on this blog, so this third post is going to be a short and sweet tip regarding a thought/thot I had after giving my girlfriend’s number to a guy I knew from Instagram.

I’m thinking this “Just The Tip(s)” will be my series of tips for men…

The thought was a tip that I think all guys should follow under normal circumstances, and it is:

#1 Don’t Bring Up Your Dick In Convo Until After A Girl Has Sucked It

This sounds pretty self-explanatory (and maybe even obvious), but let me explain what brought me to this epiphany…

So I had been DMing with a photographer on Instagram about shooting sometime, and I ran into him working the photo booth at an event in DC shortly after. I happened to be with my girlfriend, L, at the time, and we chatted for a bit while he took our photo.

Later that night, the guy asked me if I thought my friend would be interested in him, cuz he was into her. I asked L if I could give her number to the guy, and she said sure.

It wasn’t long after that she sent me a screenshot of him telling her how some of the gay men were hitting on him last night and making jokes about how he probably had a big dick.

Obviously, this conversation isn’t offensive to most 20-something women (and certainly not to me), but I still wouldn’t really be into a guy talking about his cock so early into our text-messaging.

Here’s why: it immediately takes the conversation from what is presumably small talk to something overtly sexual in nature. While that’s something that might be on both of your minds anyway, a guy bringing up his dick implies that:

1. He’s thinking with it

2. He’s thinking of you on top of it

3. He’s gauging your reaction to him bringing up his dick as a way to see if you’ll likely be down to suck it in the near future

And these are just the basics. A guy bringing up his dick early in convo could really make a girl assume a ton of negative stuff about him, from thinking he has the social skills of a 12 year old to assuming he’s only interested in her for the potential to get his D wet (which might be true, but still not the vibe you want to give off and/or get).

As I mentioned earlier, this rule should be hard and fast for all relatively normal dating scenarios. Obviously, if a girl asks about your dick, you can feel free to answer. If you’re in one of those Catfish-y type relationships where you have been texting for months, but still haven’t met in person and the sexual tension is rising, it might be okay to make harmless jokes involving your dick.

Of course, as with most sexual cases, if the girl makes the first foray into dick-discussing territory (a.k.a the first move), you can follow suit. Maybe she really likes dirty humor, or maybe she already knows that she plans to suck your dick in the near future.

But, speaking personally, I feel the same way about a dude bringing up his dick in convo as I do about a dude sending dick pics in 99% of cases: if I haven’t already met (and enjoyed) your dick, I don’t want that shit.

6 Situations That Still Don’t Warrant You Texting Him First

I really, really don’t like playing games when it comes to relationships. I don’t even know if I believe that they work. But I do believe in one thing, and that’s that girls should never be the ones to text/Snapchat/DM/call first in 99% of situations (okay, realistically maybe 95%).

Obviously, there are a bunch of exceptions to this rule, but I’m not talking about exceptions right now. I’m talking about “traditional” dating (or as traditional as we can be in 2018). You know, dating people that you would consider making it official with sometime in the very distant future if they don’t shit the bed. These rules don’t necessarily have to apply to fuck buddies, but since fuck buddies can encompass so many situations, let’s just say they do to be safe.

Sure, not texting first does leave you to wallow in that annoying ass waiting game (think Ginnifer Goodwin in “He’s Just Not That Into You”), but do you know what’s worse than the waiting game? Going out on a limb and still having to wait for a response, and feeling like a complete moron unable to focus on anything else until you get a text back (If you’ve seen the aforementioned film, you know what this looks like).

We all know that guys are cocky fucks, so there’s no chance you not hitting him up first will make him think you’re no longer into him, don’t worry. After all, just think of all the dudes who consistently text you once a month that you haven’t responded to since 2014 (if you’re not familiar with this phenomenon, read this article).

I don’t believe in “playing” hard to get, I believe in being hard to get. And if you don’t go out of your way to hit a guy up first, it’s easy for him to slip your mind while you pursue other, more worthwhile endeavors (think: that big promotion, your new vegan lifestyle, caring for a succulent) instead of wasting your time wondering what he’s so busy with.

Also, let’s be real with ourselves—in most cases, the more consistently you text a dude, the closer you feel to him. If you’re having good text banter with a dude 24/7, you probably forget about all other dudes on your roster. On the other hand, if a dude hardly texts you/makes you carry the entire convo, it’s a lot easier to forget about him and become preoccupied fantasizing about your future with the cute cashier at Trader Joe’s. I don’t make the rules, sorry.

But knowing that you’d be better off not texting a guy first might not be enough, and you might find “excuses” to hit up Jason from your last Hamptons weekend before he hits you up. Here are six bullshit texting-first excuses that I will not let you get away with, because I care about you!

1. To Confirm You’re Still “On” For Tonight

If you feel the need to confirm your plans with him for tonight/tomorrow/this afternoon, you already lost.

If the plans were tentative to begin with, (eg: he told you he’d “love to grab a drink Tuesday, but will have to see what time I get off of work”), those aren’t plans you need to confirm. Those are plans he needs to confirm if he wants to see your ass.

And if he doesn’t confirm/doesn’t hit you up all day, make your own plans – even if those plans involve snuggling up with Netflix and going to bed at 10 PM.

If he hits you up at 9:45 saying he had a busy day and can still come over if you’re free, tell him you’re not free anymore! Your ass does not wait around for a dude – especially a dude you just started seeing. Don’t let bad habits creep up early on, he’ll take advantage of it and you’ll end up feeling like a loser who’s waiting around for someone who may or may not bail at the last second.

2. To See If He’s Still Alive

One of my best friends, bless her soul, had one of those dating app flings where the guy acted like they were boyfriend-girlfriend for the first week (he introduced her to his parents and everything), then ghosted.

Don’t get me wrong, these dudes are the worst, but the way she handled it (against my great advice) just made her feel worse about the whole thing.

Instead of taking the L and accepting that he was one of those sociopathic dudes that jumps into relationships as fast as he jumps out of them, she wanted “closure” (a myth – read more about my feelings on that here).

One of the texts she sent that really made me cringe was when she texted him asking if he was alive.

BRUHHHH.

What is the best cast scenario that comes from this?

He could text you back saying something like, “Yes! I’m alive. Sorry for not hitting you up all week! I’ve been really busy.” This doesn’t give you any reassurance that he’s still into you, and makes him think you’re “crazy” (which you’re not, he is, but still).

The other (more likely) scenario is that he still doesn’t respond, which is just going to make you feel even worse about everything!

Please, please, don’t do this.

And BTW, this may seem like a weird scenario, but I shared this with another close friend before publishing the article, and she said she’s done it too! So, if you’ve sent the casual “you alive?’ text, know that you’re not alone…but definitely don’t do it again.

3. To Show Him You’re Having Fun Without Him

This is much more common than #2, but equally as tragic. Generally, it’s not in the form of a text message, but in a Snapchat.

More specifically, a drunken video of you writhing along to some 21 Savage song in a dark club at 2 am while hammered.

What’s your goal here? For him to respond saying “come over?” For him to think to himself “damn, I guess she doesn’t need me after all?”

Guess what? There’s no way that’s what a cocky dude (a.k.a every dude) is thinking. Instead, he’s thinking, “lol, she’s drunk at the club and all she can think about is me.”

4. To Show Him You Look Hot AF

Similar to #3, but slightly different. Instead of a video of you out partying with dudes who play for the Eagles, maybe it’s a selfie of you before you head out for the night. Or worse—a nude/almost nude photo.

*DISCLAIMER: I am honestly not opposed to texting first with a sexy pic as long as you’re sending it because you’re feeling yourself and want to show off to a dude who’s A) already seen you naked and B) will respond favorably and appreciate it. If you’re low key sending the pic because you’re hoping that it’ll convince the guy he should pay more attention to you/un-ghost you/ wife you, please refrain.

Anyway, if you feel the need to “stick it” to the dude who is leaving you on read, just post a hot pic to your Instagram or whatever. Yes, your besties will know you’re doing it for him, but at least you won’t give him the satisfaction of directly sending it to him.

Better yet? Maybe some way hotter/smarter/richer guy will see the pic and scoot right into your DMs.

5. Because You’re Horny and “Need” Dick

Dick is cheap. It is not a hot commodity. You can walk five blocks and have 10 dicks (metaphorically) thrown at you.

Granted, these might not be the dicks you want in or around your mouth, but my point still stands.

I hear way too many girls trying to justify hooking up with a dude who treated them like dog shit because they were “so horny” and “needed dick.”

Call me crazy, but the second a guy treats me wrong, my lady boner permanently goes down for him. I personally can’t understand the girls who sleep with their exes, but I understand I’m in the minority in this phenomenon.

So, if your vagina has other plans than your brain, listen to me: THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER DICKS OUT THERE!

If you really are horny and want dick, hop your ass on Tinder, swipe for five seconds, and you’ll probably find a hotter guy to get with tonight than the scrub you were planning on fake-drunk texting tonight.

And if you’re not down to hook up with randos? Here’s a tip: masturbate! I heard this vibrator is amazing.

Anyway, this was a very long-winded way of saying that texting “i*m hooourny” or *eggplant emoji* to a guy is still not an excuse for texting first. Because if he doesn’t respond, you’re going to think to yourself, “damn, even sex with me couldn’t tempt him, I guess I’m not hot enough/fun enough in bed/chill enough/whatever enough,” and you should never have to think that way.

Again, there are obviously exceptions to this. Say you have a great fuck buddy relationship where you both only text each other for booty calls, or you’re seeing a guy that you know will 100% respond positively to you sending him a suggestive sext. That’s all well and good on occasion, but never ever do it with a guy that is still giving you butterflies — because butterflies are evil.

6. To Ask How [insert activity here] Went

I know, I know, why not text a guy to ask how his big meeting or tennis match went? That sounds like a nice thing to do, right?

Okay, well how many guys that you’ve casually been talking to do this for you?

Maybe they’ll ask, “how was your day” or something basic to try to keep conversation going, but there are also plenty of dudes who will text you all damn day without asking you a single question because so many guys are self-absorbed and socially incompetent.

Obviously, if you’re seriously dating a guy, he’ll probably be clued in enough to know when to text you asking how your big exam went or whatever, and you should do the same to him.

As for the guy you’ve casually been hooking up with for the past few months? Don’t waste your brain space remembering when his company softball games are, chances are he doesn’t even remember how to pronounce your last name.

Of course, if he hits you up the day of his softball game asking how your day went, you can feel free to ask him how it went, but you don’t need to go out of your way (a.k.a texting him first) to find out the enthralling details about how Becky from HR stole third base.

That’s a girlfriend-duty, and you’re not his!

In Defense of The Leo: 6 Good Things About Leo Men In Love (Or In Bed)

Let’s talk about Leos, baby.

In particular, Leo men.

Are you rolling your eyes right now?

Congratulations! You’ve dated a Leo man before. Or, should I give my condolences instead?

To be honest, I didn’t realize how universally hated Leo men were in the dating world until I started vesting a particular interest in Leo men myself (one guess why).

Suddenly everywhere I turned, women were talking about how they were so young and dumb once upon a time that they dated a Leo dude (or two).

But just like every rose has its thorn, every negative stereotype has a positive side, right?

And if you know me, you know I sort of have a thing against people who trash talk their exes, so I figured all the ladies who were talking shit about Leo men maybe had a slight bias. And let’s be real – a case could be made against a man of any star sign.

So, I took to social media in attempts to find anecdotes that showed why Leo men could be great, at least at certain times and in certain ways.

The response? Crickets.

Okay, my inbox wasn’t completely dry, but it was pretty damn barren. From both my Instagram and Facebook feeds, I got a measly two responses from people with positive feedback, and a whole lot more from people saying how trash Leo men are, plus a few Leo men lamenting about how they’re not that bad (typical Leos, am I right?).

One dude even DMed me saying, “I’m a Leo and fully admit we are train wrecks. Avoid!”

Gotta love a man who’s honest!

But I’m not here to tell you why Leos are trash, I’m here to tell you how they can be sort of great in their own special, self-centered way!

Okay, well, I’m sort of still going to mention how they can be trash, but I’ll also give examples of how they can be fun partners or good hookups straight from the source: girls who were brave enough to date Leos.

Here are some reasons to date a Leo dude, or at least enough of a justification to hang out with a Leo dude temporarily until he starts driving you crazy.

1. They Are Down for a Day-Long (Or Night Long) Date

“Both of the [Leo men] I’m thinking of seriously make dates a full night,” said Carly. “Lots of activities, they pay for everything, introduce you to people, and wanna run around and have fun…then when we go to bed they act the same, like make all the rounds — it’s fun!”

When I asked Carly what she meant by “all the rounds,” she explained that they really cared about her orgasm, were cuddly afterwards, and took on a “daddy type” bedroom persona.

Okay, we can dig it.

Obviously, this can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on your preference and if you actually like the person you’re going out with. If you go on a first date and realize you’re not into the dude and he’s got an entire night of activities planned for ya’ll, it’s going to get awkward fast.

Speaking from personal experience, I am absolutely not the “day-long” kind of dater, and the only guy who ever got me to agree to something like that was – you guessed it – a Leo man.

Seriously, the more I read into astrology, the more I believe it.

Anyway, back to Carly’s bedroom comments. I hate to say this, but I feel that from an astrology standpoint, Leo men could simply care about their partner’s orgasm because they see it as a reflection on themselves. They want to pride themselves on being rock stars in bed, so they want to give their partner an awesome orgasm for their own sake.

Kind of sus, but still better than the dude who doesn’t even bother to eat you out, so whatever. And, for the record, Carly said both her Leo men went down on her first — goals!

2. They Actually Want Your Love & Attention

When Renee (who is also a Leo herself) said one good thing about Leo men is that they need love and attention, I was skeptical. As an unaffectionate person by nature, anyone who “needs” love and attention sounds like a handful to me, but then I sat back and saw it from a different perspective that I think most girls will see as a positive.

You know those guys who think that you being a decent human being to them translates to you wanting to marry them and have their babies? Yeah, me too, they’re the worst. Dudes you fuck will legit have you trying your hardest to be cold and ruthless just to squash any chance of him calling you “crazy” or “in love” with them.

So, yeah, Leo men are not really like that.

On the contrary, Leo men are actually pretty likely to start treating you like their girlfriend shortly after you start dating and/or hooking up with them.

Obviously, this can be a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it means you don’t have to play any games if you’re really feeling them. On the other hand, it can confuse you into thinking things are going somewhere serious only to realize he just treats all the girls he fucks like temporary girlfriends before he gets bored and finds new prey.

Side note: Leos are known to pursue their romantic partners intensely until they know they’ve got them, and then completely lose interest, so this is very possible.

Regardless, it’s nice to be able to cuddle up with a dude or even (gasp) tell him you’re into him without him running scared in the other direction.

Yes, I know the bar is on the floor, okay?

But yeah, Leos take all their emotions to the extreme, and might honestly freak you out a little bit early on in your flirtation if you’re not on the same page as them.

Once I started DMing with a Leo man on Twitter and he brought up marriage and kids five messages into our convo. I was concerned why anyone who follows me on Twitter would think that talking about marriage and kids was a way to win me over, but joke was on me because he still hopped out the DMs and into my life (he had really good pecs, okay?).

3. They’re Not Broke (Or At Least Don’t Act Broke)

“They get shit done,” said Taylor. “I’ve never been with a broke ass Leo.”

Leos are known to be materialistic, and while being materialistic be seen as a negative quality (it’s been proven to make you unhappy, not to mention it can make you broke real quick), there is a bright side.

If your Leo man spends money on himself, he’s probably down to spend money on you.

It’s not that dating a broke dude is the worst thing in the world – it’s the feeling you get when your broke dude is painfully obvious in trying to avoid spending money (whether it be on you, on dates, or even on himself). You probably won’t have to deal with this with a Leo — which is a plus!

4. They’re Passionate & Driven

What usually goes hand in hand with not being broke? Being a hard worker. Unless, of course, your Leo man is a trust-fund baby, which sounds like a nightmare…but maybe you’ll get a Birkin out of it, so keep doing you until you’re tired of babysitting.

Regardless of the trust-fund babies out there, Leos are known for being hard workers.

“My fiancé is a Leo man, I love him to death,” said Erin. “We are both fire signs, so very goal-driven individuals and [we] fuel each other in the best way.”

Honestly, one of my favorite things about good relationships is being with someone who pushes you to be your best self, so this part sounds lit if true, and might not only apply to fire sign matches.

Tela, a Taurus, said that somehow her and her Leo boo are the best match.

“Definitely agree with [Leos] being super driven, so be ready for that,” she said.

She makes it sound like it’s a bad thing? Which I guess maybe it could be if you’re not cool with your boo being up late at night putting in work when you just wanna cuddle, but I feel like most of the girls reading this are also boss bitches with their own work to put in.

Speaking of passion, this obviously translates to the bedroom also.

“Having sex with [my Leo boyfriend] is like the world is on fire,” said Erin. “He’s so attentive to my wants and it’s the best sex I’ve ever had.”

When I pressed for more details, Erin confirmed that there were lots of kisses, eye contact, and not necessarily slow, but not a crazy pace either.

So, if you’re sick of getting jack-hammered by dudes who refuse to kiss you during sex, maybe give a Leo man a try!

5. They’re Dominant

First off, being dominant is not the same thing as being controlling. And Leo guys allegedly want a partner who can match their strength and confidence (although we all know how many guys say they want a strong woman and can’t handle it IRL).

That being said, dominant guys can still be a pain in the ass if you’re an independent bitch who does her own thing and hates answering to others.

On the flip side, as an independent bitch, chances are you don’t date a lot of dominant dudes because you’re usually the one taking charge.

Maybe after one too many betas, it’s time for you to rebound with a dude who knows how to be assertive and challenges you a little bit — even if you have a love-hate relationship with it.

Sure, your rebound might turn into your biggest heartbreak ever and you’ll remember why you dated “safe” dudes before, but that’s what the fun of dating is all about!!!

“[My Leo boyfriend] does kind of need to be the dominant one…make the decisions, always be right, etc.,” says Erin. “But I don’t really mind that, I’m okay with sitting in the back seat.”

If you’re not okay with sitting in the back seat? Maybe a nice Virgo man instead!

6. They’re Not All Self-Centered Assholes…I Think?

Okay, Leo men are known to be self-centered as fuck.

When I think of a Leo man, I think of one of those guys who goes on a first date and doesn’t ask the girl he’s out with a single question (unfortunately men of many signs seem to do this).

But some girls I spoke to had some sweet stories about their Leo boos, so there is hope!

“After a long day of shooting, [my Leo boyfriend] always rubs my neck, will pick me up chocolate as a surprise, bring me coffee in the morning, and is always there to talk to me when I need him,” said Erin.

Okay, you could argue that this is a little bare-minimum-twitter-esque, but honestly, it’s probably still more effort than a lot of boyfriends put in, so don’t be pointing fingers.

“He would insist on rubbing my feet every single night after work,” said Jules. “He cooked the best food all the time, bought flowers every month on our anniversary and would leave me little notes to find about how much he loved me.”

Jules also mentioned that her ex-Leo would constantly remind her that she was “strong, capable, and could do anything” every night while they were falling asleep.

Um, a hype-man boyfriend? I can dig it.

If you’re currently seeing a Leo dude and he’s not doing these things, it’s unlikely he’s going to suddenly start doing them down the line just because of his sign. Maybe cut your losses now if that’s what you’re hoping for.

Astrology is fun and all (and sometimes super accurate), but an asshole is an asshole and a great boyfriend is a great boyfriend — regardless of his sign.

Just maybe exercise a little extra caution when you realize that the cute guy you went out with last night was born between the dates of July 23rd-August 22nd.